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She had those
finely chiseled features which are both beautiful and harsh
simultaneously. Serena wanted to please her but felt equally afraid
that whatever she gave would not be enough to please—it would never
be enough. The Noxzema on her nose, her black one-piece bathing
suit and her black sunglasses, blocking out all human contact, gave
her an unapproachable appearance, like a uniform on a drill sergeant
makes him separate and unreachable.
Serena sensed she
was frustrating her by being such a baby; she wants you to jump off
the ledge into the 12 foot.
Can’t you just
do that! You’re holding up everything! Look at all the kids around
you just leaping in; why can’t you do it? What’s wrong with you?
You feel her rising frustration; she is in charge and you are
disobeying; you are separate; you are alone, not part of the group
because you won’t do what she wants, what all the rest of the group
is doing. Why won’t you jump? Jump! Jump! Jump, now!
Serena jumped.
The water surrounded her; she felt herself sinking down, felt the
pressure in her head as she sank, felt the fact that she couldn’t
breathe down here, how long will I be down here? Panic engulfed her
mind as quickly as the water had engulfed her body. Flailing arms
and legs, head popping above the water, breath. A man’s hands
grabbed her around her neck and hoisted her above the water, placing
her on the ledge. Breathing and recovering, she looked at her
teacher. She was just as frustrated with Serena as she had been
before Serena risked it all and jumped in the deep end. It wasn’t
enough—it would never be enough.
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